I wonder if they would tell us greenland's ice sheet had sunk into the sea.

I think I've been going about this thing all wrong.
Anticipating the big wave before ever getting on the board. Wonder what I can do about it, but at least I've got that figured.

mostly, I just want to sleep again.

the internet is one of the worst drugs.

I will burn the man in the mirror
flinching only
when I become silk
and overcome with no remorse.





I was flowering,




completely frozen.


brilliant blue
is the color between now and that time
when the world was lit by our ignorance
and now
white is the lamp leading the steady hoofbeats,
seeking to follow ashes that have already served their purpose.

I can see it coming...
I wonder what shape it'll take...

I think people are always unfurling, just expanding towards the sun.
I feel like I am burying, being remade.

Sometimes when I bike home at night, I crisscross inbetween all the yellow lines dividing the bike path. When I do this, I imagine I'm a fighter jet. It's not really far off. Maybe I'm just preparing, unconsciously, for actual flight.
Today I figured out how I'd structure the rigging to attach an envelope. I still dunno if I'd make it thermal. I'm getting the sense helium is the way to go, but hydrogen I could get myself...

I don't think I'm letting this one go.

Tags: musings
Current Music: seven nation army -- the white stripes

I'm dreaming again.

I'm in a weird sort of place. I had just finished coming down from a very long tower ordeal. There was a big battle at the top of some castle, I was a part of it. At any rate, the enemy had been cursed, and the place goes purple. weirdness.

And... I'm freerunning around some kind of downtown mall area. the scene is somewhat like madison.
So I'm running around, and notice there's a bunch of other people doing this. I do some kind of big jump over a rail, and because I have a low attention span I go over on the swings! How fun. I decide that I want to swing hard enough to get on top of the swingset with my buddy sam from chem class (dunno why he's here) and I do that. then I think I put on a penguin mask and jump off or some such. Anyway, I head for the exit after that, but some girls saw me and dave (sam turned into dave, wtf) jump off the swings, and got the police after us! Not only that, but we can't really just bump out the exit and go home. Shit.
So I rabbit out the other door into the mall?'s back part where they've got a really massive loading dock and some stuff. I ask a guy if I can come through that gate, and he says sure. Now I'm under a ton of these shelves - its like the downstairs at work, except times 10,000. big. its a big loading/storage area. why its here I dunno, but there's railroad tracks and such, so I walk, run on. Dave's there (I think) and we run for a ways. We get pretty far out, miles, following these tracks, but we're still in this big storage area. We get to some part with an overpass, and there's long kitchen matches all over the place. Feeling a little fortuitous I take a couple boxes. But because its so hot (I feel nothing of the sort) the boxes are smoking, and beginning to catch fire. I ditch them in the sand. There's a guy who needs something, a light or whatever, and dave? helps him out. I see a bunch of books buried in the sand. some classic novels, couldn't say what they were now for the life of me. But shit! there's somebody coming up the rows. Dave motions to me to get parallel and duck down. Its a big shopping party, some kind of open air market. Well, I try to get out of all this, until I realize I might find a few things. My friend, who keeps shifting shape, I can't seem to find anymore, he turned into some kid. Anyway, I get caught, but I've changed my own shape into an older man by having an affectation, and I'm holding a book. Somehow, she still knows its me, presumably because she says I'm her nephew she wrote a check for a dollar to. So I distract her by asking if she's got a copy of dandelion wine, and start trying to move out of this place. I can't find my buddy, but as I push around at the area and move through the aisles of stuff for sale, I go past a wall, and see a pool or lake or whatever. I think there's a bazaar surrounding it, and I see a few familiar people sitting in lawn chairs shooting the shit... I think they were waiting. and I'm like, you guys, this was fucking epic...

Tags: dreams

I'm going to bed.
swear swear swear swear I can't do this ever again.
I'm done and I want out.

Tags: need sleep, overload
Current Music: I'll be your mirror

I'm beginning to lose faith in my gender.

I think I've heard about the limit of bad news this month that can be packed into the last 48 hours.
misery is intruding on us.
strangely, I wonder if it's in indicator of something wrong with my life that I'm not having it as rough as other people.

I mean, what's the deal with real life? it promises a lot, delivers little, screws us over, screws people up, yet we crave it.
I had no idea some people like that existed.
I didn't think there were people that never make it through their twenties.
I didn't realize how trapped people are inside the lives they've built around them, and how unwilling to break it down, no matter how it treats them. or other people treat them.
It's not really sad, or something to get worked up over. But I feel moved in strange ways when I am witness to some quiet struggles that are rarely voiced aloud.

I am incredulous, because I live in a different world. I have no idea what you do, who you are.
Everyone is playing their own music I think. frantically, falteringly.
I am compelled to capture your music, even though it is impossible.

Current Music: breakthrough -- public symphony

what's really fantastic is when you find friends that you know you wanna keep around you for a good long time. I want more of these.

Tags: better
Current Music: what goes on